When I arrived at the James Read funeral home the funeral director was very agitated. "Reverend, I am afraid there are no pall bearers for this funeral." When I asked why, he said the lady wrote in her last will and testament "No man ever took me out when I was alive, and no man is going to take me out when I am dead."
A minister had to do the committal for a very difficult member of his congregation. To try and say something to comfort the man's wife and family at the grave-side he prayed, "Lord, what we are committing to the ground is just the shell, the nut has already departed."
It was a perfect day so a hang glider decided to circle over the family farm. His mother said "Look, there's a huge bird flying over us." So her husband grabbed a gun and started shooting. "Did you get the bird?" He shook his head sadly. "No, but I made it drop its prey."
A fellow was worried he wouldn't have money to use in heaven, so he
asked his friends to put some in his casket. A doctor came and put
in a crisp hundred dollar note. A plumber put in a thousand dollars
in crumpled bills. A lawyer carefully counted the money, and put
in a cheque for the exact amount.