Funeral Jokes

by Robert Brow


Ministers have to take funerals and they usually travel with the funeral director to the grave side. I once told a story he hadn't heard before :

    When I arrived at the James Read funeral home the funeral director was very agitated. "Reverend, I am afraid there are no pall bearers for this funeral." When I asked why, he said the lady wrote in her last will and testament "No man ever took me out when I was alive, and no man is going to take me out when I am dead."

    A minister had to do the committal for a very difficult member of his congregation. To try and say something to comfort the man's wife and family at the grave-side he prayed, "Lord, what we are committing to the ground is just the shell, the nut has already departed."

It was a perfect day so a hang glider decided to circle over the family farm.  His mother said "Look, there's a huge bird flying over  us."  So her husband grabbed a gun and started shooting.   "Did you get the bird?"  He shook his head sadly.  "No, but I made it drop its prey."

A fellow was worried he wouldn't have money to use in heaven, so he asked his friends to put some in his casket.  A doctor came and put in a crisp hundred dollar note.  A plumber put in a thousand dollars in crumpled bills.  A lawyer carefully counted the money, and put in a cheque for the exact amount.

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