Marriage Jokes

In the Alpha Course videos Nicky Gumbel tells a story about a Cockney who couldn't decide between Ether, who was a gorgeous blonde, and Maria, who was an equally gorgeous brunette. The indecision worried him so much that he decided he had better go to a church and pray. "God, do you want me to ave Ether, or do you want me to ave Maria?" When he opened his eyes there on the wall he saw "Ave Maria."

    A couple sent a telegram with a text to be read out at a wedding. The text was 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear." The telegram was delivered as John 4:18 "You have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband."

    A woman in a remote part of Africa was going to be baptized, confirmed, and married on one day when the Bishop came to visit. He didn't know the local language so she was forced to learn off the responses in English. She managed the baptism quite well, and also the confirmation, but when the Bishop asked "Wilt thou have this man to be thy lawful wedded husband?" she said boldly "I renounce the devil and all his works."